1. Happy Hour
What it usually means: A time of the day during the work week when bars offer some drinks at a discounted price.
What it means when you’re broke: The only time you can afford to consume alcohol with your friends outside your apartment.
2. Buying Groceries
What it usually means: Going to a supermarket on a weekly or bi-weekly basis to replenish food and drinks in the household.
What it means when you’re broke: Reluctantly spending the few dollars you have on bread that gets moldy, fruit that rots, milk that spoils, chips you eat in one sitting, cheese, peanut butter, and canned tuna fish.
3. Paying Rent
What it usually means: Paying a fixed cost once a month to live in an apartment that you do not own.
What it means when you’re broke: Begrudgingly paying an evil tyrant landlord while praying that there is enough money in your checking account.
4. Going To The Mall
What it usually means: Visiting a building that houses various retailers, department stores, and a food court with the intent of purchasing something you want or need.
What it means when you’re broke: Going to Cinnabon and walking around aimlessly, while considering stealing everything you lay eyes on. Torture.
5. Instagram
What it usually means: An incredibly popular photo app with artsy filters where your friends, famous folks, and fashionable people share pictures they take.
What it means when you’re broke: An incredibly popular app that you refresh obsessively in your seemingly endless free time. The place rich people post all their fucking beautiful island vacation pictures. The sole reason FOMO (fear of missing out) exists.
6. Netflix
What it usually means: A landmark entertainment application that brings thousands of on-demand streaming movies and television shows to your computer, tablet, or smart phone.
What it means when you’re broke: The “person” you laugh, cry, and drink with the most often. Your best friend, and the only “person” that truly understands you.
7. Tax Refund
What it usually means: Money you get back from the government if you paid more taxes than you owed in a given year.
What it means when you’re broke: A gift from the gods on top Mount Olympus that allows you to eat, drink, and pay off credit card and student loan debt. The money will last for about a week.
8. Friday Night
What it usually means: The end of the traditional work week when you kick off the weekend by letting loose by having drinks with some friends.
What it means when you’re broke: Lying to friends about “having plans” before going home to watch Netflix and heat up week-old leftovers.
9. Buying a Powerball Ticket
What it usually means: Spending some spare change on a one-in-a-trillion chance at winning a couple hundred million dollars.
What it means when you’re broke: Spending your weekly bus fare for a decent shot at finally living the Diddy lifestyle.
10. Health Insurance
What it usually means: Insurance against the risk of health issues. It is usually offered at a discounted rate through an employer.
What it means when you’re broke: An extravagance that you’re pretty sure you don’t really need — everyone coughs up blood from time to time, right?
11. Breakfast
What it usually means: The most important meal of the day — usually consisting of eggs, bacon, cereal, fruit, juice, coffee, or toast.
What it means when you’re broke: Coffee.
12. Lunch
What it usually means: A midday meal you have during the work day which you either pack yourself or purchase from a local establishment.
What it means when you’re broke: Something you skip in order to save money for socializing. *empty stomach growls*
13. Dinner
What it usually means: The main meal of the day.
What it means when you’re broke: The only meal of the day.
14. Student Loans
What it usually means: Federal and private loans that students apply for in order to afford their college education.
What it means when you’re broke: Something you wish were better explained to you back in high school. Where 80 percent of your salary goes. The main reason you’re broke.
15. Credit Card
What it usually means: A piece of plastic with a magnetic strip issued by a bank that allows you to purchase goods or services on credit.
What it means when you’re broke: A dangerous piece of dark magic plastic that allows you to purchase things that you totally can’t afford.
16. Vacation
What it usually means: Taking time off work in order to relax or travel to new places for pleasure.
What it means when you’re broke: Something you lose at the the end of each calendar year because you never take days off since you can’t afford to go anywhere.
17. Household Utility Bill
What it usually means: The amount you pay for the gas, electricity, water, and heat you use each month.
What it means when you’re broke: A piece of paper with haphazard “estimates” that you spend hours arguing with your utility company about — because how can your gas bill be $500 for a one-bedroom apartment in the summer?
18. Underwear
What it usually means: Undergarments that you wear over your private parts.
What it means when you’re broke: Something that is probably dirty right now, and something you desperately need to buy more of.
19. Toilet Paper
What it usually means: Rolled-up paper used to clean yourself after using the bathroom.
What it means when you’re broke: Something that magically vanishes unfathomably quickly. Frequently stolen from office bathrooms. Sometimes replaced by paper towels.
20. Visiting Your Parents
What it usually means: Returning to your childhood home for a short period of time — usually during holiday season for family gatherings.
What it means when you’re broke: Returning to your childhood home with your tail between your legs for an open-ended visit to raid the refrigerator, eat free meals, and feel sorry for yourself on the couch.
21. Savings Account
What it usually means: A bank account that earns interest over time.
What it means when you’re broke: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
22. Prostitution
What it usually means: The action of exchanging sex for money. The world’s oldest profession.
What it means when you’re broke: A viable option.
23. Budget
What it usually means: A strict guideline of the amount of money that you can apply toward certain things over a certain period of time.
What it means when you’re broke: Something you sort of remember someone mentioning to you before, but never really paid attention to.
24. Being Broke
What it usually means: Knowing you really shouldn’t go out, but deciding, whatever, you’ll figure something out.
What it means when you’re broke: Actually not having any goddamn money.
What it means when you’re broke: Actually not having any goddamn money.
